5. Robbie Keane | 'Cartwheel, roll, hands'
Had Robbie Keane just done this the one time - when he scored a dramatic late equaliser against Germany for the Republic of Ireland at the 2002 World Cup finals - that would have been fine and dandy. In fact, it actually looked pretty good on that occasion.
But scoring tap-ins for Tottenham, Liverpool or LA Galaxy – big no, no.
The older he gets, the worse it looks. Stop now, Robbie. You'll end up pulling a muscle soon.
4. Cristiano Ronaldo | "I'm here!"
Cristiano Ronaldo has only started doing this recently, but it's infuriating.
After scoring an important goal, the Portuguese superstar will arrogantly point to himself and then to the ground – repeat process until everyone in the stadium wants to hurt you.
It's a team game, Ronnie: go celebrate with your team-mates instead of feeding your planet-sized ego. People will like you more.
3. Carlos Tevez | The Tevez twerk
My eyes! Oh, the humanity.
Fortunately Carlos Tevez only produced this awful celebration a few times during his spell at Manchester City – but it was still a few times too many.
I'm not sure what sparked it but, to be frank, I don't particularly want to know.
Remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen. So think before watching this clip.
2. Gareth Bale | The trademarked heart
Football officially jumped the shark in August 2013, when Gareth Bale successfully trademarked his heart celebration.
The most expensive footballer of all time started this nonsense with Tottenham and continues to do it at Real Madrid.
When he scored on his Real Madrid debut against Villarreal earlier this season the world held its collective breath as Bale celebrated with his team-mates rather than make a child-like heart sign with his hands.
But in the nick of time he remembered. Thank goodness.
1. Daniel Sturridge | Worst.Dance.Ever
It was better when Daniel Sturridge was at Chelsea. He rarely scored and, subsequently, we never got to see this terrible, terrible dance.
The England international has been prolific at Liverpool, which is a huge shame because we've all seen this dance more times than we'd care to remember recently.
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